August 4, 2008
June 24, 2008
May 9, 2008
On The Road
They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"
- Jack Kerouac, On The Road
April 30, 2008
The man with the beautiful eyes
When we were kids
there was a strange house
all the shades were
always
drawn
and we never heard voices
in there
and the yard was full of
bamboo
and we liked to play in
the bamboo
pretend we were
Tarzan
( although there was no
Jane)
and there was a
fish pond
a large one
full of the
fattest goldfish
you ever saw
and they were
tame.
They came to the
surface of the water
and took pieces of
bread
from our hands.
Our parents had
told us:
" never go near that
house"
so, of course,
we went.
We wondered if anybody
lived there.
Weeks went by and we
never saw
anybody.
Then one day
we heard
a voice
from the house
" YOU GOD DAMNED
WHORE!"
It was a mans
voice.
Then the screen
door
of the house was
flung open
and the man
walked out.
He was holding a
fifth of whiskey
in his right
hand.
He was about
30.
He had a cigar
in his
mouth,
needed a
shave.
His hair was
wild and
uncombed
and he was
barefoot.
In undershirt
and pants
but his eyes
were
bright
they BLAZED
with brightness
and he said,
"hey, little
gentleman,
having a good
time, I
hope?"
Then he gave a
little laugh
and walked
back into the
house.
We left,
went back to my
parents yard
and thought
about it.
Our parents,
we decided
had wanted us
to stay away
from there
because they
never wanted us
to see a man
like
that,
a strong natural
man
with
beautiful
eyes.
Our parents
were ashamed
that they were
not
like that
man,
thats why they
wanted us to stay
away.
But
we went back
to that house
and the bamboo
and the tame
goldfish.
We went back
many times
for many
weeks
but we never
saw
or heard
the man
again.
The shades were
down
as always
and it was
quiet.
Then one day
as we came back from
school
we saw the
house.
It had burned
down,
there was nothing
left,
just a smoldering
twisted black
foundation
and we went to
the fish pond
and there was
no water
in it
and the fat
orange goldfish
were dead
there,
drying out.
We went back to
my parents yard
and talked about
it
and decided that
our parents had
burned their
house down,
had killed
them
had killed the
goldfish
because it was
all too
beautiful,
even the bamboo
forest had
burned.
They had been
afraid of
the man with the
beautiful
eyes.
And
we were afraid
than
that
all throughout our lives
things like that
would happen,
that nobody
wanted
anybody
to be
strong and
beautiful
like that,
that
others would never
allow it,
and that
many people
would have to
die.
April 2, 2008
LOL OMG WTF?!?!11 :D :D :D
Without fear you are god. You are the master of yourself and the master of your fate.
You are untouchable.
You are untouchable.
It seems that we most fear about our self-image. We fear situations and experiences that can challenge, or hurt our self-image. We fear so much that we may lose the little happiness and safety we feel with ourselves that we'd rather stay where we are and not do anything that could jeopardize that instead of reaching out for more happiness and more fulfillment. We fear potential failure, because then we automatically assume that we're not good enough. We fear new and unfamiliar situations, because we fear we won't be able to deal with them adequately. Why? Because we tend to nurture egos. And we tend to evaluate ourselves and measure our worthiness by how successful and unsuccessful our actions are. So we shy away from experiences that we might prove unsuccessful at, or even worse, fail altogether. Our ego receives a huge blow when we fail and we experience negativity, low self esteem and unhappiness. This is what we dread most, and not the failure itself. For "failure" acquires meaning and substance only in our minds, and as an event outside of our head it is quite meaningless. Sometimes, in looking and lusting for success, we search frantically for "safe" and "secure" ways to deal with life. But failure is a prerequisite for success. It cannot be avoided, except if we settle and quit trying to be more than we are right now. Some people seem to be completely careless about failure, and they have this go-for-it attitude which I always admired. Some people even go as far as to completely disregard failure, however ego-crushing it might seem, and just keep on going. Some people refuse to label anything as a "failure". I think those people got it right. Measuring yourself by your effectiveness and rate of success and failure is a poor way to deal with life. If you perceive an experience as a failure or as negative to your self-worth then you become a victim of your own ego and you lose your power. Your power? Yes. Your greatest power is your control over yourself and your control and awareness of your actions. That power, which is sometimes labeled "confidence", is always vulnerable and at the mercy of your experiences and the way you perceive them. For perception is everything, and the real world is not outside you but within. And because life is so unpredictable, there might come a time where so-called failures become so abundant that they will cripple you and reduce your ability to succeed to almost zero. Your self-worth will be so low that you won't feel able to accomplish anything. And it will stay that way until something happens that makes you feel a little better about yourself and get you back on your feet. That is one of the commonest ways to sabotage ourselves. I say to hell with that. We need a paradigm shift. I do not accept fear as a part of me. What have I got to fear, and why? The deepest fear is the fear of oneself, and confronting one self's weaknesses and shortcomings, through failure. But I embrace myself right now, with the goods and bads. I am not afraid of failure, of rejection, of difficulties. Because I know that I am better than any circumstance dictates. I can be better than I was today, and I am willing to go through failure to realize that vision. I accept myself as great, and I will let nothing stand in the way of my fulfilling that goal of becoming greater and greater. I will let no failure sabotage my self-worth, because however inefficient or stupid or damning my actions have been I am always certain that I can do better. And I am the only one who judges what stands for failure and what stands for success. I do not adhere to other people's opinions about that. I define myself. I make the rules for my life. And even in great success, I stay humble and remind myself "I can do better than this". The possibilities are infinite when you acknowledge your greatness. Because in reality we are all great, we are all capable of achieving unimaginable amounts of success through the aid of our powerful minds. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you can, you can. If you think you can handle anything that comes your way, you can. Sometimes you will fail. But that conviction in your abilities will not diminish, and neither will your self-worth. Failure will just be a temporary drawback to eventual success. If you think you can't, then you probably won't attempt it, or attempt it half-heartedly which will almost guarantee you failure, something you won't be able to cope with and your "inability" will be validated. It's all an illusion. It's just a ride. What matters is which illusion you choose for yourself. Which illusion serves you best? Can you, or can't you? Is it easy, or hard? Are you great, or are you not? I say embrace yourself, acknowledge your inherent greatness and strive to manifest it in your life. Forget the "pain" of failure. There's no reason to fear that anymore, because your greatness will not diminish by failure. All the more, you'll probably be wiser because of it, and that will make you more efficient. See the flaws in your self and turn them into greatness by risking and going for it. Try. There is no shame in trying, no matter what the outcome is, no matter what anyone says. Don't cling to safeties of any kind. Be open and kind and sincere with yourself, and with others. Be happy at all times. Take pleasure in the process of refining your greatness. Don't let anything stop you or discourage you from doing that. Use your mind and make the best out of any situation. Where others see problems, you'll see opportunity. Think outside of the box. Don't have any expectations, be happy with the surprises. Know that you don't have anything to lose and everything to gain. Define yourself and your path and watch the world follow.
The happiest man alive.
I am the happiest man alive. I have that in me that can convert poverty into riches, adversity into prosperity, and I am more invulnerable than Achilles; fortune hath not one place to hit me.
- Sir Thomas Browne
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